


A Night (not) To Remember

by sunflower--killingmoon (Guichelove)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, teenage sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-19 05:30:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19350466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guichelove/pseuds/sunflower--killingmoon
Summary: After Eren and his friends found out about Ymir's Curse and its implications, it felt like a whole new reality was ahead of them, but time also became shorter. Acting out of desperate love, Mikasa made a difficult decision.





	A Night (not) To Remember

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the first season of the anime and OVA #???. The plot follows what happens in episodes 20 and 21 of season 3.

Levi, Hange, Armin, Mikasa, Eren. They all, along with other crucial members of the Scout Regiment left the audition with Queen Historia Reiss with a feeling that they had too much on their plates. Eren, especially, had just realised a way to use the coordinate powers of the Founding Titan - and this responsibility was weighing on his shoulders. Meanwhile, Armin and Mikasa observed him. They always knew when Eren had something coming up. It didn’t mean Eren told them what was going on every time, and this time he wouldn’t. Mikasa perhaps was able to hide from her friends and officials all her true feelings and thoughts, but she would never be able to lie to herself. She was desperate. The fact that Eren had more or less than eight years to live devastated her. Mikasa was unable to imagine a life without the one who taught her how to live. Eight years. It wasn’t enough to end the war against Marley. It wasn’t enough to grow up. It wasn’t enough to do the things normal people do after their duty ends. The hope she had all these years was no more. It’s strange how much the truth can hurt. Mikasa was the tough one, the top soldier, unshakeable, exact. 

 

“Armin.” -   Mikasa called upon him. They had arrived to their quarters and Levi had ordered everyone to go rest. Her eyes followed Eren, as he went past them, worried only with his own thoughts.

 

“Yes, Mikasa?” - Armin could tell from the tone in her voice that something was odd.

 

“If you had the chance to do something stupid, would you do it?” - Her gaze didn’t leave Eren for a single moment. 

 

“It depends.” - Armin had a feeling, and it was telling him the intentions behind Mikasa’s words. “Would that help to make you feel better?”

 

Mikasa gasped, then hid her mouth with the classic red scarf. She blushed intensely. “I don’t think Eren would…” - She couldn’t finish the sentence.

 

Armin was blushing too, out of embarrassment, yet he knew one thing. “Mikasa.” - He put a hand on her shoulder. - “You heard what Hange and the others said. Eren is going through ‘that phase’. Well, not only Eren, to be honest. We all are fifteen, and we all are going through a phase. The difference is: due to the circumstances, we aren’t allowed to feel certain things, or experience them.”

 

Mikasa felt completely understood and safe in Armin’s words. “Thank you, Armin.”

 

_ Me and Eren. We belong together. We always have. We always will.  _

 

Nightmares once again tormented Eren in his sleep. Horrid glimpses from the past haunted and tortured him endlessly. He twitched, moaned, and screamed in his sleep. The walls were thick and no one could hear him crying out to all his fears and burdens. Eren saw himself eating his own father. The very night when the clock started ticking away his time alive. “Ymir’s curse.” - he said to himself, finally waking up. He was all sweaty, and had the impression that someone was observing him. Eren raised and sat on his bed, then he got his lantern and flickered it towards the corner of the room. Mikasa was against the door. She was in shock.  Eren waited for her to come nearer and nodded. 

__

“You watch me even in my sleep.” - He complained, calmly. - “You should be resting right now, Mikasa. You’re the best of us. The corp needs you.”

__

“Eren.” - Mikasa interrupted and sat on the bed too. - “What am I to you?”

__

This question was rather confusing to him. “What’s with you, Mikasa? What do you mean by that?” - He was genuinely surprised.

__

“If we supposedly win this war, and grow up together… Where would I stand in your life?” - Mikasa was impatient and at the point of breaking down in tears, yet, she held herself strongly.

__

Eren looked at her with pity and weary eyes. “Mikasa... You know I won’t live that long.” 

__

“Of course I know that! Idiot!” - she blurted out, getting even closer, pointing a finger right at his face. - “Can’t you just imagine it? What would you want your future to be like?”

“Enough with the shouting! They will punish us again for this.” - Eren was so blunt and surprised with that whole situation. 

__

“You die in eight years, and you’re worried with military punishment. Disappointment.” - Mikasa sighed and sat right by Eren’s side then. Their arms touched and they shared the dim light of the lantern. 

__

After some awkward minutes of silence, Eren took a deep breath. “I imagine living by the sea. In a house I built myself. I would look at the water the whole time. I would never get tired of it.” - Eren didn’t care elaborating more than that, but Mikasa wanted more.

__

“Do you think you would have a family of your own, Eren? I mean, living by the sea with you?” - Mikasa’s seriousness made Eren blush hard and stammer.

__

“Well, That’s…” - He never once stopped to think about it, so he lied.  - “Of course! Everyone wants a family, right?”

__

_ What’s going on with you, Mikasa? Why are you suddenly making these questions? Why are you so close… And so vulnerable?  _

__

“Am I in it?” - She finally questioned.

__

Eren lost his breath. Mikasa wasn’t fooling around. Suddenly, he envisioned all the memories he had with her, the good ones and the ugly ones, all the words they exchanged to each other in moments of despair - everything led to that dialogue. It was so obvious. If only Berthold hadn’t stricken Shiganshina that day… He, Armin, and Mikasa would have had a less traumatic childhood, gone to school, found a poor paying job, or maybe have become doctors, farmers, hunters… And obviously, Eren would have ended up marrying Mikasa. They would never go anywhere without each other anyway. Realising such thing made Eren froze before her. His eyes widened, his breaths shortened, and he swallowed dry. 

__

“Eren!” - Mikasa called his attention more vehemently.

__

“Mikasa, I…” - Eren had barely spoken when Mikasa held his face with both of her hands and planted a passionate kiss on his lips. 

__

She waited for a response, but Eren was too shocked to do anything. His eyes trembled, fixated at hers. He accidentally drooled, which gave away his true reaction. He longed for Mikasa too, but he was afraid. He hasn’t been allowed to let his feelings for her grow over time. To have this happening in a matter of seconds was overwhelming. Eren felt like a chicken - he wasn’t able to react even when she was begging, right there next to him. Mikasa knew him too well, and as always, when Eren couldn’t do shit, she had to go and do it for him.

__

“Eren, if this is what you want, keep looking at me. Stare right into my eyes.” - Mikasa grabbed the collar of his shirt and Eren didn’t look away.

__

Mikasa lied Eren’s body down and positioned herself on top of him. Their hips touched and they could feel their bodies warming up. 

__

“Mikasa, we don’t even know what we’re doing. We are fifteen. This is wrong.” - His voice came out weak. Eren was very aroused, but he couldn’t stop panicking. 

__

“There’s no right or wrong when you know you are going to die.” - She leaned down, pressed both of his arms against the bed, and then they kissed a handful of times, crying and shaking with anxiousness - tongue and no tongue. Mikasa dominated him completely. Nothing in this world would make her let go.

__

Having the delight of Mikasa’s body on top of his provoked him to feel even more exquisite things - particularly between his legs. In a mix of pleasure of discovery and also extreme shame, Eren urged Mikasa to stop.

__

“Mikasa! Let go of me, there’s something going on with my…” 

__

It was too late for the warning. Mikasa could unmistakably feel something rigid below her hips, that were in contact with Eren’s. They were yet fully clothed, but the light friction they exchanged between each other while they kissed felt really good. Whenever Mikasa moved, even if it was just a little bit, it made Eren feel lightheaded. Mikasa felt the same too, but her indulgence was to have Eren under her control, more than anything else. She let go of his hands to take off her shirt. Eren touched and caressed Mikasa’s ripped abs gently with his fingers. Was it weird that he fancied her muscles?

__

“Should we, Mikasa?” - Eren asked, now a bit more conscious. She nodded positively. 

__

Mikasa remained on top, rocking her body against Eren’s - and he would just stay there, at Mikasa’s will. They had no reference, no knowledge. Their following actions were driven purely by instinct, trial and error. There couldn’t be anyone else but them. They were then connected, letting all the tension out, and letting a fulfilling sentiment in. Mikasa and Eren were one. Unison.

__

_ This is why… The reason my parents wouldn’t tell me how babies are made.  But it’s not the same thing. Eren and I… We’re doing something else. _

__

After the act, Mikasa still wouldn’t leave Eren without her weight on top of him. She now rested her whole self against him. Their bodies were bare. Mikasa’s head was on his chest, and she quietly listened to his heart. That was the sound she liked the most. It was how she knew he was alive after his first titan transformation. As much as Eren admitted that was the best thing he had ever experienced, he couldn’t smile, or say any words to Mikasa. He held her back and his tears flowed like a river.

__

_ I love you, Mikasa, I love you. But it wasn’t supposed to happen. We can’t. It’s unfair. We are fighting for something bigger than ourselves, so that the future generations are allowed to love, to live by the sea, to grow families. You have to forget. I have to forget. I can make you forget. We will forget, together. _


End file.
